Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Happy Festivus people...

I will be composing my "Airing of Greivances" during the day and suggest you do likewise. Because after all, Festivus is for the rest of us.
Festivus: Rules and Rituals

In accordance with tradition, I submit my list for the Airing of Grievances. The following have disappointed me over the past year:

1. My cat Vory. I plucked you out of the ASPCA and paid $125 for you and all I get are scratches and bites. Would it kill you to try to sit quietly in my lap and just purr every once in a while? I know I wanted an active cat, but not one that would physically assualt me.

2. Elliot Spitzer. Dude I believed in you. You were smart. You were on the ball. Bad guys would go into fits when they heard “Spitzer is on the phone.” Why did you have to go thinking with your d*ck?

3. The Senate Democrats-particularly the ones in good health like Leahy and Reid. WTF is wrong with you jerks? We won the election. Stop playing ball with the GOP who only want to destroy you. You can’t negotiate with people who want to kill you.

4. Randi Rhodes formerly of Air America. Look Randi…I know you were doing stand up. But really, you called HRC a whore. Was that necessary? I understand she was running a campaign that wrote the smears McCain would eventually use, but honestly…a whore? She’s a senator for crying out loud. I loved you on Air America. Now I only listen to Ed Schultz only because that’s really the only quality liberal programming I get.

5. St. Louis Craigslist the Rants and Raves section. I warned you about the flagging didn’t I? I told you content made that place and after the out of control flagging, there is little to no content.

6. My Dad. That’s between him and me. He knows what he did.

7. John McCain. You know I actually liked you once. Sure I thought you were kind of corrupt after the Keating scandal, but I thought you were a better candidate than W in 2000. I thought after going through the nastiest smear campaign I’d ever seen in 2000, you wouldn’t do likewise. Well I guess you thought you figured out what works from that. That was the wrong lesson John. I’m really disappointed in you. And thanks for introducing Caribou Barbie to the mix. Yeah that’s what we needed was some dumb wackadoodle on a power trip.

“I have a lot of problems with you people.”


MrBold said...

You know what? My cat Vory just sat in my lap and purred.

It's a Festivus Miracle!

S. City said...

Thats hilarious:)

I can only come up with two grievances: my rabbit for consistently pooping Next To his box instead of IN his box; and

my sinuses for bringing me constant snot and sneezes.

Oh, i just thought of another: Pick-up trucks. I really hate pick up trucks this year, they are such bullies. The mere sight of a pick up truck makes me angry lately.

Oh, and also the 60 year old dudes who are always crusing me at the grocery store- no matter how craptastic i look. i guess i should be flattered but it makes me feel old. Blah.

Oh, and all the sexists who dissed my girl Hillary for sticking it out til the end of the Democratic race. No one belittles Ralph Nader for sticking it out- or at least not as loudly and obnoxiously. I give Hillary mad props for sticking it out and everyone who tried to ridicule her into quitting early can SUCK IT.

Okay, thats 5- not a bad list!


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